Terrible Track: Waiting For Love- Avicii

There have been many ignominious entries into my blog’s “Terrible Tracks” category, and this new track from Avicii hangs with the worst of them.  Honestly, its hard to criticize a music video about the love between a soldier and his loyal dog, and maybe that is why Avicii used that relationship as the focus of the song. Perhaps wrapping this nonsense in those sentiments will deflect criticism and fool casual EDM fans into thinking that the music is good.

1:31 is warbly, video game sounding poison for your ears.

3:20 will puncture your eardrums. Such awful shrillness.

Watch this and recall the days when Avicii made real music.

May I suggest these feel-good tracks instead? This is my brand of feel-good music. They are realistic, sober, and honest songs about love and friendship. The first one really starts at between 2:50 and 3:15.

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Terrible Track: The Days- Avicii

I thought “The Days” was the worst that Avicii could possibly do. Fittingly, it seems that its nocturnal twin is more of a nightmare. Honestly, I’m about out of energy criticizing Avicii’s new style, but this is a new low that I must comment on. This track sounds like it was written as a Western tinged sing-along for a children’s show (especially 1:03).

Take a listen to “The Days“. Which do you think is worse? I hate to ask which is better because I don’t even want to frame the question that way. There really is no winner between the two.

Terrible Tracks: Blame (Calvin Harris) and Heroes (Alesso)

I have already posted about my ambivalent feelings towards Calvin Harris productions, but his new song “Blame” is helping to solidify my feelings of the negative type. I really like John Newman, but this is an example of how liking a vocalist featured on a track doesn’t make me like the ridiculous genre blurring and pandering mess that this song is. Also, by my count, there is only like 30 seconds of a serious beat that you could dance to. The first segment is at 0:56, the second comes at 2:00, and the third at 3:00. Calvin Harris didn’t even make these limited stretches worth it.

Im surprised too, Calvin Harris. This song is tolerable because John Newman spices things up, but the beat, the part Calvin Harris does, is unimaginative.

This song by Alesso at least has a more sustained period of danceability, but it sounds grating. Again, I really like the vocalist, but the song is ruined by a terrible whining synth. I’d like to turn this up and give it a fair shake on good speakers, but I am seriously afraid of what that terrible noise would do to my ears. As Bilbo Baggins once said, this “feel[s] thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread”.

Now compare that to the following track by Super 8 & Tab feat. Julie Thompson. This last track sounds like it was given time to fully mature and wasn’t rushed out of the door prematurely to appease the masses.

Terrible Track- Ten Feet Tall

So far I have devoted a lot of my time and effort on this blog to talking about the sounds and tracks that I love and that move me. Occasionally, I think I will post about an especially terrible song. There are many vomit-inducing dance tracks, but I will reserve a post for only the most atrocious.

This brings me to “Ten Feet Tall” by Afrojack. Below is the track. Take a listen, form your own opinion, and then read what I think below.

If you like this track it doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, I would probably dance to this song if I had consumed enough drinks or I had just won the lottery and was partying the night away. Under those two circumstances, I imagine anything might sound good. I also don’t hold it against you if you like this song because you have some great memory attached to it. Maybe this song came on during a particularly good night out, maybe you met your significant other while dancing to this song at a club, or maybe you were listening to it in the car on an especially beautiful day and you associate it with that. Those are all fine reasons to like a song.

However, none of those things have happened to me, so here is what I think about this song:

Between the straining vocalist and lack of musical texture, this track is like nails on a chalkboard to me. At some points, the vocals and music conspire to sound borderline whiny. If you were to take a bite out of this song it would probably taste and feel like a communion wafer (saltine cracker for those who have never taken communion) rather than a sweet delicious hunk of challah or brioche. What is brioche in music form? Glad you asked! See my previous post about “The Dark” by Boom Jinx.

The song is also completely lazy. This track first assaulted my ears in a Bud Lite commercial, and I thought, “Are you kidding me? Budweiser tried to make a terrible dance song for their commercial to appeal to a young audience?!” Come to find out, this is actually an Afrojack production, but you wouldn’t know it. It actually sounds like it was whipped up by someone in the Bud Lite advertising team with a cheap software program in order to meet a deadline! It takes effort and talent to craft a cohesive theme as an artist, and I don’t see that here. There is nothing to link it thematically with Afrojack’s previous work unless you count soulless and empty sounding as a theme.

This is the type of production that I fear people will link with my musical tastes. Afrojack is laughing all the way to the bank though, so don’t expect tracks like this to go away.

For a pop heavy track that doesn’t sound like it was whipped up with free iPad software see Tiesto’s “Wasted”.